I Deserve It?

I've been doing a fair amount of reading and learning about weight-loss. Not just the regular old reading in magazines and Weight Watchers materials about what foods to eat and not to eat, but information about the psychology AND physiology of how the body works with food and food issues. (And most people who are overweight have food issues)

Amid a lot of this knowledge is a common psychological thread. People who are fat don't think they deserve better. And not just deserve a better weight. It goes way beyond that. Weight can serve as a kind of safety blanket (and I can see that it does for me). As long as I'm fat, I can blame EVERYTHING that goes wrong on that. I readily see this in my own life. For example, I can't find love...."because I'm fat". I didn't get that job...."because I'm fat". My skills are overlooked at my job..."because I'm fat". I could go on and on. These are just self-imposed ideas. Nobody has ever told me that...or if they did, it wasn't that blatant. And because I think these things...I want to lose weight. But then when I start to attempt it, my subconscious starts doubting me. I hear, "You can't do that, it'll take forever, you've failed so many times before, you're lazy, etc." And I'm back to the old painful, yet familiar mantra..."because I'm fat."

So it all comes down to needing to believe I deserve to take care of my body and be healthier.

Now, some of you are saying..."yeah, that makes sense!" And it does (at least to me). But what these books and programs and everything I've been soaking in lately hasn't told me is how do I learn to feel I deserve something?

Long ago, it appears that I learned to feel I don't deserve anything. Seriously. In a conversation with someone I may say I deserve this at a job or that wonderful loving relationship...but I don't really think so at my core. I truly think I don't deserve it. So how do I change that mentality? Positive self talk? Maybe that helps some...but I tend to out-think myself on that. I'm too sarcastic I guess.

Maybe eventually in my knowledge search I'll come across the answer. However, I'm guessing that it's something I have to develop from within. After all, I taught myself I don't deserve it...there has to be a key inside me that reverses that.

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OK. I'm getting rambly now. I really just wanted to write some of this out to get it out of just my head. If I made no sense, I'm sorry.