What's Fat?

Yes, three posts in three days. A miracle!

I'm watching "Where are they now?" on Biggest Loser tonight. And for some reason, I hit a upon a thought.  The thought is that people don't understand. If you've never been fat, you don't understand how hard it is. Even today I read a Facebook status of Jillian Michaels that said she didn't understand how people gain weight over the holidays. That made me mad. She can't truly champion the overweight if she doesn't understand how easy it is to overeat during this time of year. It's not just the sweets. There's the emotional factor too.

I tend to keep my overeating to myself. You'll probably not see me do it. I'm a closet overeater. And lately, it's been out of control. I know it. I see it. I FEEL it. Yet, so far, I haven't stopped it. And yet I WANT to. I just can't seem to do it.

There are other factors at play that I've been thinking  about recently. Factors I need to deal with. But even now, I prefer to defer. And in the deferral, I defer my health. I defer my well being.

I know I'm making a choice. I just don't seem to make the right one right now. (a consistent problem for me)

But with time comes possibility for making the right choice. And I need to make that for myself. Not someone trying to help me make it (a coworker "helping me" by not telling me about treats or a family member saying something, anything about my weight or weight loss). I think I need people to stay silent about gains or losses. I NEED it. If someone asks me about "how it's going" I over-analyze that. No matter what. No matter your intentions.

Anyway...hopefully I can make my re-committal soon. I know it's a choice I just have to make. I know, I know, I know.