Jabba-the-Me

I'm officially thoroughly disgusted by my appearance. All of you know (the whole two of you that read this) that I hate how I look. I hate that I'm fat and all that jazz. I'm on WW and am making changes and all that jazz.

But today I got slapped in the face. Stabbed in the eyeballs. Accosted with the sight of a picture of me that I didn't know existed. I found it on a website for a group I belong to. It's a side view. It's awful.

I've always had a hard time matching my real body size to what my brain thinks it is. In my head I think I'm much skinnier than I am. I know I'm big, but I never think I look as bad as I do until I see the proof from a camera's perspective.

Today I think I've now seen the worst picture I've ever seen of me. And it was taken less than a month ago. I am so in shock and disgust from this picture I'm almost immobile. I need to lose weight and lose it now. I can't keep looking like this. It's hideous. It's like I'm wearing a fat lady costume.

Some of you know what I look like at a healthy weight, some of you don't. And it makes me sick that there are people I know who don't know me any other way than as this fat slob.

Now before you who are reading this think I'm depressed or sad. I'm not. I'm 100% not. Instead I'm rambling here hoping that my typing fingers will happen upon the key. The perfect inspiration for getting this fat suit off of my body once and for all. The perfect plan.

Since no such inspiration is revealing itself, I'll probably stop here. Time to regroup in my head. Time to form a plan. Time to make copies of this picture to hang up at home so I don't forget what I look like.