Why I stopped dating

So I figured I should share the story of my last Match.com dating experience. I previously wrote this up for a different blog, but wanted to take another crack at editing it as it's just that great of a story.

Lets start at the beginning. On Valentine's Day, in a moment of weakness, I decided to "wink" at "Dan" (name not really changed) on Match.com. The next day, he wrote back and we started emailing. He seemed normal enough at first. We emailed back and forth about different likes and interests we had. Then he mentioned he had a collection of over 11,000 comic books. OK. That's stereotypically a geeky thing, but not all that crazy. People have hobbies, right?

But then I noticed a rather annoying email quirk. He would interject "weeeeeeee!" after saying some things. Now....that's a bit weird (and 8-year-old girlish) but still not completely scary. Disturbing? Yes. Scary? No.

After about 5 emails, he started signing his emails "love". Uh....yeah. He explained he did it to all personal emails, but it's still...different. He still made the choice to tell a relative stranger he loved her. Disturbing? Yes. Scary? Maybe.

Something about him reminded me of a guy I used to date. He just had that same feminine manner about him. In fact he emailed me a question: "If you could go back and pick whether you wanted to be male or female and start all over again without knowing you changed, would you?" I said no. He said yes.

After a few more emails he made some comment (jokingly) about gerbils in his head that run things. While this was clearly a joke, he clung to the joke for an unnerving amount of time until it became rather insane. And then another email that just said "weeeeee!" I was officially getting a little wary (yes, I'm slow to learn).

We planned to meet for coffee. After a few unfortunate weather postponements we had the chance to meet for coffee. Briefly. 30 minutes to be exact. The coffee shop closed and booted us out. So, since I didn't feel I'd really been able to get to know him in that time, we decided to meet again later in the week.

He suggested we meet for a few games of pool and dinner and I thought that sounded like a decent plan. He was going to scope out pool halls in the area and get back to me. Well, I suggested a place and it was a good middle distance for us, but he still decided to scout out some locations. After finding a possibility (on the east side of the city), he said we could go there or where I suggested. I vetoed his pool hall in favor of Raccoon River. Call me a snob, but I'm not hanging out at a pool hall on the east side.

The evening started out pretty OK with dinner and chatting. Sure he giggles like an 8 year-old girl....but that's not too alarming, is it? Sure he says things like, "I'll be teasing you about this for many years". But it's nice that someone's considering a future, right?

Wrong.

We leave our restaurant table to head upstairs to the bar area to scope out a pool table and while chatting he strikes the final blow to any possibility of a relationship. He mentions that he collects stuffed animals. He keeps a "Blue Bear" on his bed. At this point I'm really crying inside. This can't be real. He IS an 8 year old girl. He giggles, says "weeee!" and has stuffed animals?! How do I get out of there?

I agree to an hour of pool (since that was the plan of the date). We play for a while and it was all innocent and fun, but in the end I was really just plotting how I could get out of there. Finally, I tell him I have a headache and want to go. At this point I can see freedom in front of me. Vowing to never date again, I wait for him to get his credit card back from the bartender (sneaking away would have been rude). As we walk out he tells me he wants to walk me to my car. Damn.

So, we walk to my car and as we approach my mind is in evasion mode. How can I avoid any good night kiss confrontation? Well, I started kicking the snow off my car while he follows me. I get to the driver side and open the door. I turn to him while half in my car and tell him I had a good evening and would talk to him later and jump in. Success!

He walks away. I sigh my relief. I wait a few seconds and pull out of my parking space and wind my way out of the parking garage. As I'm driving down to the exit I see him walking toward his mini-van (yeah, he drives a mini-van). I wave as I drive by and think to myself, "I wish I could set him up with Marcus."